I think we have probably all heard the phrase ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me‘. We all know that it is complete and utter bullsh*t, or if you don’t you are lucky to have met only the really nice people in the world.
I am currently living at home with my parents. It is a tense situation – basically the same as what my high school post described. I am in a long distance relationship and this weekend my boyfriend was coming to visit. He has come many times before, my parents don’t seem to mind him visiting and we generally try to keep to ourselves. This visit we were away the majority of the time because we took a little road trip to a city a couple hours away to see a concert and do other fun things. When we were at my house things went sour. We were having Easter Sunday dinner with my parents, the ham was fine and conversation wasn’t out of the ordinary. After dinner we thanked them for the meal and went downstairs as we normally would.
Then today (Easter Monday) my boyfriend left. I went to have cereal for breakfast and my mother told me that she ‘couldn’t believe my behaviour’ from the night before. Apparently just looking at me made her feel physically ill and that this was because of the past few days of terrible behaviour from me. She indicated that she was not raised to behave how I did and that my father and his parents are responsible for raising me to behave this way and it makes her physically ill. I had had enough at this point, mainly because I didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t want to hear her nonsense, and so I took my bowl and got up to leave. As I was going around the corner and almost out of range she told me that it was pretty clear to her that I blame everything wrong in my life on her. At that point I went downstairs and cried and wanted to shrivel up and disappear from Earth. Now try and tell me that words don’t hurt.
I feel like it is important to clear up a couple things now, the first being that this is a common pattern after my boyfriend visits – she likes to emotionally attack me by commenting on my behaviour, and even a couple times his behaviour. When she made these statements I had really only been home two days. I can’t pinpoint exactly what I did ‘wrong’ in that time since I offered to get things when we went to the store and offered to help make dinner and thanked them for dinner – not exactly what I would call bad behaviours. I think that what she refers to as the bad behaviour was probably talking about money at the table – which I would also like to note was not brought up by me and simply consisted of my dad saying I got an insurance statement with some money and me saying that I wanted to see it. I also don’t blame everything wrong in my life on my mother, that would be ridiculous…as terrible as she can be she is still my mother and I do love her (most of the time). Last but not least, I generally don’t think of other people making me feel physically ill unless they have committed a murder or something to that degree, and so telling your daughter that she makes you feel physically ill will certainly not result in any kind of healthy relationship.